Another angel gone up to Heaven

I write this now whilst the feeling is fresh...

a few moments ago I was told that my nan passed away, my father's mother. This came as an extreme shock to the system as despite her being a mature woman in her 80's, as a grandmother, the child in me expected her to live forever. The adult in me knew she wouldn't, but I had a belief she would be around for a little bit longer, and after that, a little while more.
My biggest regret with this is that we won't be able to attend the funeral. I don't feel like I've said a proper good bye to her, so I think I've now got to do that by mental prayer to the diety she prayed to (she was a very religious woman...which leads me to my next point).

Every time we spoke on the phone, she told me she was praying for me, wishing me the best in life and asking her deity that everything turn out well for me. Because of this, I felt she was always there, looking over my shoulder, helping me along the way, through the hard parts of my life. I've always felt that with both my grandmothers, the two grandparents I felt I knew the most. My mother's mother passed away some years ago when I was still a child and to this day, I think of her, even if it's just a passing thought.

I'm not a largely religious person myself. I don't believe in any fixed religion, but I believe there's a force out there, which watches over us and juggles the spirits around the world. However, with both my grandmother's gone, I now feel I've gained two people to watch over me and the rest of the family, in a way which is stronger than when they were alive.

My abuela was truly a wonderful person and I sincerely hope she's happy where she is now. She told us not to cry for her when she died, so I shall do my best not to. But her memory will live strong in me for time to come.

And if there's one thing I'll really miss about her is her telling me, every so often, to take a tray filled with bowls of food (olives, bread, little snacks here and there) and take my time eating it to stay strong and healthy.

Bless you Alejandrina.

The art of writing..a has it?

BEFORE I receive comments on the state of my appalling grammar, freeze!
The title is used to mimic a new...'language'? used to caption pictures referred to as Lolcats (look them up on google), where pictures of cats have captions with grammar such as the above to make a little joke out of them.

That's not just me with the bad grammar (ok....that bit might have been).

On with the entry!

This thought came to me when I read a friend’s blog and from having said something so stupid yesterday, Tom pointed out that, as I’m a writer, I should be a little more eloquent in things I say. He had a point. And I also made me think…I haven’t written anything creative in so damned long, my fingers itch. And they have been for a while now.

I've had an idea for a story buzzing in my head for approximately...what...five or so years now. If this idea was a vine, it would have looked a mess, with bits and pieces hanging off it and others bits trying desperately to grab on. Lately, though, it’s changed, had a gardener look at it, and tidied it up into something…bigger…and healthier with the leaves of possibility hanging from it.

But where’s the time?
At university I had all the time in the world to grab my computer and type until my fingers were numb. I made the most of this.
Now? Pah! I'm lucky enough if I have enough free time to sit and breathe in a relaxed fashion. That usually happens in the 2 hours before bed. One of the reasons I’m looking forward to this weekend.

The fact is, I'm such a huge critic of my own work, I'm not happy about writing until I feel like the atmosphere is right. Then I start and I just don't stop. I miss those days. Haven’t had one in a while.
I've had cases where I've spent hours and hours working on something, then I look back on it a year or so later when I've dug it out to continue and I think 'wow...that's quite appalling...what was I thinking?'

This thought tends to put me off.

Now recently I’ve forced myself to think…how can you develop something without a couple of failures along the way. That’s how it grows. Through experience.

However, over the last few years...and the beginning months of 2008, I've found myself mulling over ideas, winding bits of story up in my head and piecing them together. I've got three on the go at the moment: all of them as drafts on a computer, and one particular in my mind being pummelled like a piece of dough due to the endless possibilities it offers me.

The one thing I struggle with the most when it comes to writing a story is the middle. One of the best quotes I’ve ever heard is ‘writing a story is like taking a journey: you know where you’re setting out from, you know where you’re landing, but who knows what you’ll encounter in the middle’. Of course that’s not it word for word, but it’s a rough idea and it’s the best thing I’ve ever related to my work. That’s exactly what happens to me. I know how to start, I know how it ends, but….what does my hero/heroine find/do/eat/say/meh on the way.

I decided to use this quote to my advantage. Every time I’ve thought of writing, I’ve reminded myself of this, creating a determination to push the boat along and help me find those ‘encounters’. Hearing that quote makes me want to combat it.

Inspiration:…now here, I’d like to thank my friend Harry. Several years ago, he introduced me to music which goes by the name Infected Mushroom. Sounds disturbing I know but not to worry. The best way to describe it is Psychadelic trance with a plot. Everytime I hear this music I picture scenes in my mind. I’ve walked along the street and listened to a selection of tracks on a loop everyday for a good couple of years and the inspiration it’s brought me has developed my ideas no end. I’ve found myself walking down the street and thinking to myself ‘ok so if that action occurs here, how would I find myself leading up to it?’
That thought then leads me to another plot device which shapes the rest of the story.

Now I can already hear thoughts spilling through minds of those reading this. Yes I make a note of everything that comes into my head…when I can. But the way I see it is, these ideas have been in my head for a good few years now, there’s no way I’m letting them leave now if I don’t write them down soon enough!

However, as these ideas have been progressing, a story with about 5 different possibilities have integrated themselves into my brain. One day, I will take my laptop, I will give myself several hours and I will write. Why didn’t I do all this during my free time you ask? Part of the time I have, but for most of it I was either job hunting or using my free time to do MUCH needed things! One day however, this story will come fully into fruition.

One day